I've never really been one of those people who sits back at the end of the year and casts a discerning eye on what has gone before, what can be learned, and what shall be taken into the next year - at least, not in public. Granted, I learn from a previous year's activity, I may even follow the customs of making a few top ten lists or resolutions, but they generally don't propagate further than a partner or a friend or a family member in person - or perhaps, in the past two years of blatant anti-privacy, on [facebook](http://www.facebook.com/andiyar). I think I'll shake that custom up a bit this year though - I now have a blog hosted on andiyar.com, after once swearing it would never happen (as I maintained my livejournal, naturally), and I've been moving the majority of my presence on the 'net to a less anonymous but more private form... that said, I think a Year in Review isn't necessarily a bad thing. Let's do it, shall we?

2010 has been a year of change for me. This can of course be said of all years for all people, I imagine, if only for cellular processes, but I have to say that with the possible exception of 2007, 2010 has been the year of greatest change in my life thus far. For those playing at home, I am twenty-seven, so no doubt there are a **few** more changes coming; we'll have to rank and compare.

I entered into 2010 in a serious relationship, albeit one that two days prior had been rocked to its foundations. I leave 2010 single, with said relationship not surviving the foundation-rocking due to matters completely outside of my control, which left me depressed and emotionally non-functional for a good two or three months following. During that time I resumed my study of medicine, which was what triggered me to seek help, resolve the emotional funk, and become both more certain of **why** I am studying medicine and of where I am going with it all. I learned to study effectively, to become less destructively perfectionist, to cope with emotional stressors in a more healthy way, and to move forward to Espresso Finishes.

The most significant singular event in 2010, therefore, was the breakdown of my relationship with my then-partner. That relationship lasted some two and a half years and, upon reflection, changed me more than I was aware during it. Oddly (to me), I think I changed most of all in the aftermath of the relationship and the time that followed it, or at least the change was most rapid. I matured a great deal, I loved, and as the cliché goes, I lost. Loss shapes and defines, and I think I am now a better person *because* of the loss, but I cannot say. I don't wish to devalue the relationship or my then partner for what I felt and did - but the breakdown was definitely the prime mover for me in the first half of the year. Some effects:

• I began writing again, and have since written one complete short story (*flawless,* 4000 words), began a 'fanfiction' work (*The Infection*, 5000 words), made a very serious start at a novel project (*elohim*, 30000 words), began preliminary work on a second novel project (*Gospel*, 8000 words), started writing poetry again (published *letters to Jessica*, and wrote *Medical Verses*), and began not only blogging semi-frequently here, but began a side-project blog at [the lonely empath](http://www.thelonelyempath.com). Creatively, that's an astounding year, with almost fifty thousand words of prose fiction, two dozen poems and some interesting thought patterns.

• As mentioned before, I learned an effective study technique (with incredible thanks to Kylie Mansfield) which resulted in me writing *Phase One: the systems review*, a personal summary/textbook of some 70,000 words alongside *Pathology Maps*, another 20,000 words of diseases in notes and mindmap form.

• Worked through some emotional issues regarding perfectionism and drive and emerged in a better place mentally

• Lost ~10kg at the most, for an overall loss of around 6-7kg, resulting in not only a new feel of 'health' but a lot of new clothes... which isn't necessarily a positive

• Reconnected far more regularly with some close friends that I had not seen as often, resulting in Sorbocles, regular golf, the Coffee Safari and too many other fun times to count.

Those are, of course, the positives. Several times during the year, particularly in the second half, I found myself feeling slightly downhearted. Even now I can feel it - I miss being in love, to be truthful. I miss my former best friend (as she then was), I miss the in jokes, I miss the perfect companionship, I miss the sex (let's be honest), I miss just talking about nothing, I miss feeling like half of something. I noted during the actual breakup period (although I suspect the entries are no longer visible) that I really understood what it meant to 'lose half of yourself'. It did feel like that, and I miss feeling like I was a part of something. Those feelings have, however, become more and more background. The majority of the time as the year moved on to the present, they have faded to the occasional wistful regret. Time heals.

Other significant events in the year included the passing of my Phase One medical component after failing to do so in 2009, resulting in me moving onto clinical term. I have now spent six months in the hospital, having rotations in obstetrics, paedatrics, oncology and general surgery, and have arranged a personal elective in palliative care. I have found myself several times during the past six months nodding to myself and thinking (if you'll pardon the french), "this is fucking it.". Clinical placement in the hospital has taught me that medicine is, for me, the right choice. Hopefully when I return to this entry in a year or two this isn't prophetically wrong, but I must say I have only felt this 'complete' in myself in terms of direction when I was studying creative arts and learning about poetry, feeling that this is something that feels **right** for me.

Hopefully the next six months will continue to do so. I will then, barrier exams pending, pass through to a twelve-month longitudinal clinical term and will soon after that graduate and earn money. Financially I've been a shot duck for quite some time - I resigned my job at Woolworths as a customer service supervisor in July - and it would be nice to be able to feel financially stable, even secure.

Otherwise? Well, friendships continue and endure. Life moves onwards. I have an iPad as my Tech Toy of Twenty Ten - five stars - and I find myself thinking, now and again, that life is pretty good, all things considered.

Let's keep it that way. On 2011.

-A