nThis is likely to be short, albeit probably not saccharine. I'll get back with more at some point in the near future, I hope!n

nn

nCurrently I am on my final rotation of Phase 2, being Mental Health, Psychiatry, Crazy Town, whatever you feel like calling it, although the third option is slightly cruel. Slightly cruel, that sums up the rotation for me thus far. The first week… it almost killed me. I walked onto the psych unit on the Tuesday morning and stumbled off in the afternoon, my mind a whirling dervish of almost-total despair. It was perhaps the hardest drive home I’ve had in a very, very long time, I just could not disconnect. The previous post, which sounded a little ‘down’? Not the half of it.n

nn

nThe second day… less so. I somehow managed to put a small barrier up between myself and the patients (despite being on the even more acute ward) to the extent that my heart did not break with every patient, although it did twinge. The third day was much the same. If I wasn’t working with the partner I am, the amazing Kate, I think my week would not have been improved. Actually, after the end of the first day we both, on our way to the carpark, looked at each other and just kind of shared a moment - and discussed how absolutely horrific we both felt.n

nn

nBounced back though - it is hard to work with a perfect optimist and stay down, at least if the triggers are removed. One of them was, and another, well… sometimes we lack company we desire and beat ourselves up for it, and then we come to terms with it, and then it hits us in the face…n

nn

nWell that sounds moody. I did not have a happy easter, let us say that. I was an emotional trainwreck after a week of psychiatry, I was particularly sensitive to elements of life that I normally button under wraps and pretend don’t exist, I was stressed about exam/life/essay/work balance, and a certain pair of eyes just would not get out of my head.n

nn

nFinish that weekend and… somehow, things were stabilising. Five days off, wherein I wrote said essay, did a bit of study, ate way too much, spent some quality family time, saw a few friends, and did some relaxation exercises just… helped. The following week, during a tutorial with a clinical psychologist, I brought up the close-to-breakdown I’d experienced and asked for her thoughts - she asked if I would want to adjust my reaction, and in all honesty I said no, I just wondered how she thought it should be dealt with - I received the answer I expected, which was individuality and self and etc, which was actually affirming. Ah, psychiatry. Fascinating and downheartening.n

nn

nIn other news, I’ve started a poetry sequence titled Conversations tentatively, no titles, all numbers, and all are a one sided conversation with someone(s) who will probably be perpectually nameless. Ah, the joy of creation - I’ll put one or two up soon.n

nn

nRight now though I’m going to leave uni and go home and eat. It’s been a long enough day today.n

nn

n n

nn

n-Andiya